Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
