Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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