Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize