Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need water and some morals
Randomize
