never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
