So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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