One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
