your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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