Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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