I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
