I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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