I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
