I'm eating all of the evidence.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Iโm not closing myself off theย to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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