Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
