If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just forgot I was standing up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
