Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
