I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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