dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
