i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
