Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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