Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
do herpes really smell.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
