its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
