this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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