Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
