He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
