Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There was a lot of him and a little penis
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
