I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
