sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
