Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
And then he peed in my hair
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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