How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
