His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
