Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
