id be glad to
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
