Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
