It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
