Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
