whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
