My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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