I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize