having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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