I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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