I want to have your abortion
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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