You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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