I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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