I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
