so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
