My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
