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I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize