Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
