Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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