she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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