So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
