No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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