When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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