dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
