Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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