I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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