how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
