Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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