Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
