Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize