I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
third nipple confirmed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
