I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
