I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
