I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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