I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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