sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
