um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
