I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
