When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
