Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
