Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
