I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
