I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
