you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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