No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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